Oh Chrome!

But, software! what popup through yonder windows breaks?
It is the error, and IE is the browser.
Arise, fair Chrome, and kill the envious IE,
Who is already sick and pale with addons,
That thou, freeware, art far more fair than she.

I Can’t Get No Resurrection

NOTE: Guild Wars 2 and all its lovely IP doesn’t belong to me at all. This is entirely a fan-based work and is in no way officially associated with ArenaNet or Guild Wars 2. It is created for my own amusement, that’s all. Also, the Rolling Stones doesn’t belong to me either, this is a work for entertainment only.

I can’t get no resurrection
I can’t get no resurrection
‘Cause I die and I die and I die and I die
I can’t get no, I can’t get no

When I’m playin’ on my Charr
And that boss comes to the area
He’s critin’ me more and more
My knockdown skills are holding aggro
The other toons loot and then they all go
I can’t get no, oh no, no, no
Hey hey hey, that’s what I say

I can’t get no resurrection
I can’t get no resurrection
‘Cause I die and I die and I die and I die
I can’t get no, I can’t get no

When I’m playin’ my Sylvari
And that tree comes up to tell me
How nice my dream can be
But she can’t be killed ’cause she doesn’t fight
The same champions as me
I can’t get no, oh no, no, no
Hey hey hey, that’s what I say

I can’t get no resurrection
I can’t get no toon reaction
‘Cause I die and I die and I die and I die
I can’t get no, I can’t get no

When I’m mappin’ round the world
And I’m doin’ this and I’m lootin’ that
And I’m tryin’ to take some mob
And a veteran spider drops down and every body flees
I can see I’m on a losing streak
I can’t get no, oh no, no, no
Hey hey hey, that’s what I say

I can’t get no, I can’t get no
I can’t get no resurrection
No resurrection, no resurrection, no resurrection

Oh Coffee of Heaven

oh coffee of heaven,
ground be your beans,
your mocha come,
caffeine be done,
at work as in the bistro.
give us today our daily fix.
forgive us our spillage
as we forgive those who spill next to us.
save us from decaffeination
and deliver us from sleep.
for thine is the latte,
and the espresso,
and the cappuccino,
sugar and creamer, amen.

Psalm 23 – Jack Daniels

Jack Daniels is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to fall down in green lawns:
He leadeth me beside the parked cars.
He restoreth my mojo:
He leadeth me in the paths of delinquentness for His name’ sake.
Yea, though I watch through the window of the next door neighbor,
I will fear no squirrels: For thou art with me;
Thy bottle and thy label, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a challenge before me in the pressence of mine buddies;
Thou annointest my shirt with alcohol; My glass runneth over.
Surely laughter and sirens shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House of the State forever.

To Tweet or Not to Tweet

To tweet or not to tweet, where is the question?
Whether ’tis more l33t with the followers to suffer
The RTs and replies of stalker twitters,
Or to take arms against a net of boredom,
And by blocking, end them. To shun, to ignore;
No more; and by ignoring to say we end
The head-ache and the thousand cyber jokes
That webz is heir to — ’tis a lost connection
Devoutly to be wish’d. To shun, to ignore;
To ignore, perchance to live. Ay, there’s the rub,
For in that ignoring of tweets what life may come,
When we have powered off this router signal,
Must give us pause. There’s the reality
That makes hilarity of such geek life,
For who would bear the giggles and scorn of girls,
The employer’s wrongs, the athletic man’s posturing,
The pangs of texted love, the traffic’s delay,
The boredom of office, and the reboot
That patient advice of tech support makes,
When he himself might his cyber life create
With a wi-fi connection? who would fandom bear,
To twit and reply under an online life,
But that the dread of something beyond internet,
The undiscovered country from whose signal fade
No traveller returns, puzzles the coder,
And makes us rather tweet those ills we have
Than fly to a reality that we know not of?
Thus the cloud does make geeks of us all,
And thus the native hue of pasty white
Is covered o’er with the novelty t-shirt,
And enterprises of great effort in real life
With no retweet their purpose disconnects,
And lose the name of #action.

Ode to The Royale Wedding

The day started grand,
was chill but sunny,
One hunk of a Prince
and his sweet hunny.

Christopher Walken
narrated the service
(ok not really, but it
would have been worth it!)

They rode in a carriage,
such a pretty sight.
The crowds were bursting
with red blue and white.

Westminster abbey
was bright with flowers,
even the archbishop
couldn’t remain dour.

The procession begins,
no one trips on the rugs,
there’s nothing but smiles
on the royale mugs.

The bride is gorgeous,
makes all the boys stare.
The groom is hawt,
they make quite the pair.

As they say “i will”
the whole world cheers,
but one guy keeps saying
“really? no beers?”

Now Willy’s a Duke
and Katie’s a Duchess,
they take off with a flourish
to Buckingham palace.

There’s a gathering planned,
the olde families invited,
but there’s more than tea
that’s being provided.

As the oldies head home
the younger clans party.
Harry and Pippa’s nightclub
is about to get started.

Elton John is there
gettin down with his man.
Harry’s girl Chelsy
rocks out to the band.

The Queen shakes her head,
she can hear all the ruckus
from waaaaaay off away
in her wing of the palace.

They dance until sun-up,
Kate’s poor dress is frayed,
Elton’s passed out
in the marmalade.

There’s a lace garter
on the main chandelier,
nobody’s admitting
to putting it there.

Harry tied soda cans
to Willy’s best stallion,
and Pippa left sex toys
in Katie’s new carry-on.

Now the sweet couple
is wedded and all that,
and the world is waiting
for a wee royale rugrat.

InternShip

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this default port
Aboard this tiny ship.

The mate was a mighty sailing man (Simon),
The skipper brave and sure (Dave).
Three passengers set sail that day
For a ten week tour, a ten week tour.

The weather started getting rough,
The tiny ship was tossed,
If not for the courage of the fearless crew
The project would be lost, the project would be lost.

The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted media isle
With Simon
The Skipper too,
The designer type with pixels,
The techie star
The generalist doin it all,
Here on Fresh Made Isle.

So this is the tale of the interns,
They’re here for a long, long time,
They’ll have to make the best of things,
It’s an uphill climb.

The first mate and the Skipper too,
Will do their very best,
To make the others comfortable,
In the Fresh Made Office.

Mobile phone, LCD, shiny apple toys,
catching the morning train,
Like every pro coder knows,
As validated as can be.

So join us here each week my friends,
You’re sure to get a smile,
From five stranded castaways,
Here on “Fresh Made Isle.”

The Charr Triumphant Lyrics

NOTE: Guild Wars 2 and all its lovely IP doesn’t belong to me at all. This is entirely a fan-based work and is in no way officially associated with ArenaNet or Guild Wars 2. It is created for my own amusement, that’s all. Long live Guild Wars 2!

Life is War
To arms, blood boils
Give me War
My ‘band, my Legion
I am Charr
I live for glory
Life is War
To War!

With my warband
We will triumph
Take our homeland
Spit on your gods
Sound now the horns
Wreck now Vengence
With my warband
I know War!
War!
War!

Asura at Work Lyrics

NOTE: Guild Wars 2 and all its lovely IP doesn’t belong to me at all. This is entirely a fan-based work and is in no way officially associated with ArenaNet or Guild Wars 2. It is created for my own amusement, that’s all. Long live Guild Wars 2!

We come in ‘fore the sun can rise,
work all day, then we work all night!
Ask any krewe what they would devise
all for the Eternal Alchemy.

You call that work, I am suprised.
A golem could better strategize.
Leave this magic to wiser guys
and we’ll show youuuu the right way!

Greet the hydro-spherical bauble,
program golems to clean up from last night,
check on the partial fungal globule,
alter the current and blow out the lab lights!
(Flee from the failed experiments!)

We blew out lights before you were born!
Fungal globs? We’re beyond that now!
Ask any genius worth his goggles,
and you’ll understand why I wear this hat!

You’re outdated, your methods faulty,
don’t even get Magical Technology!
Walk away while you still can totter!
We need to… We need to…

[Claxons sounding]

When you tweak
The magna coil
You will break
The bookah

This is my lab, you had your chance,
now scram before I call in the Norn.
Go play genius somewhere else
and let the next gen work now!

Tweak the dis-combobulator,
gyro the helix firing mechanism,
I’ll show you, you skritt-brained crone.
Ignore the bookah screaming in the yard.

You’re doing it wrong, it’s pathetic now!
I cringe to think how your parents blush.
To think they let YOU through the college ranks!
pity the Eternal Alchemy!

I’d Like To Teach the World To Game

I wrote a song. It’s to the tune of the song by the New Seekers called “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing”. This one is written for Omar Khan, cause he’s awesome.

I’d like to build the world a game
And furnish it with stars
Grow story arcs and gamer points
And big-boobed avatars

I’d like to teach the world to raid
And aggro all the foes
I’d like to loot the final boss
And scream on ventrilo

I’d like to see the world online
All dancing synchronized
And hear them echo through the net
That every n00b must die

That’s the game I hear
Let the server ping today
A round of buffs
A guildmaster
And everyone can play