There is a picture that will not leave my thoughts.
You are there,
strolling through the tall grass in the meadow.
I can see you as if it were only yesterday,
your soft pouting mouth,
sparkling, baby blue eyes.
In your hand is a basket
with lilacs and wildflowers
of all colors.
It bounces gently against your leg as you move.
I can picture your soft brown hair,
your silvery laugh.
I had no idea how strong the hands of fate were
until I tried to fend them off.
One small cylinder of lead,
that was all that struggled against me in the end,
but the force behind it was great.
Too great for me.
How I wished I could have held you
those last minutes.
How I pounded on the glass between us.
I cursed the men and women in hospital issued scrubs,
I cursed their incompetence.
And all I could do was watch
as your life drained out of their hands.
It was red like roses.
You never liked roses much,
you said wildflowers were happier things.
I remembered that as I watched you die.
I pressed my hands against the glass,
slippery with sweat and rose-colored blood.
That was all that was left to me.
I couldn’t even meet your eyes
because you wouldn’t open them.
Eyes I had spent hours staring into,
getting lost in.
My forehead rested against the glass.
Men aren’t supposed to cry,
but I cried for you.
I knew I would never see you again.
I cursed the ones who had done this.
To take such beauty from the world was a mortal sin,
I cursed them for days.
Now I stand over you in this house of God.
You looked composed
and very serious,
not at all like you really are.
I hold a bunch of wildflowers in one hand,
the dew dripping onto the carpet.
You would have laughed
to see the faces as I brought them in.
You always did like wildflowers better.
Your face looks so empty without a smile.
My life is empty without your smile.
After they lower your body into the earth I sigh.
I didn’t mean to
it slipped out
like some thing of its own.
I suppose I’ll have to leave.
What am I going to do without you?
You’ve been my life for so long.
My hearts hurts when it beats,
it seems so loud in the silence.
If this is love I don’t want any part of it.
I look down at the flowers in my hand.
There is a picture that will not leave my thoughts.
You are there,
strolling through the tall grass in the meadow.
I can see you as if it were only yesterday.